I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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