I am puke
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
