I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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