First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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