dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
