This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
