in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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