I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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