And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
