I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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