Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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