Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
