Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
