Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
