from now on my penis is your penis
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
