he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
