I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
