She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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