There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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