Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
