You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
