I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
