P.S. I can't hear my feet
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
