the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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