i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
