Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
