another moral hangover. fuck.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize