you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My breasts were aching with rage.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
