It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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