Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
