i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
