is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize