im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
