chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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