I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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