3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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