I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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