my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
