Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
