that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
