I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
