Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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