I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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