So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
