I wish I could punch you in the face.
I puked a lego.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
