Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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