Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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