it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
