My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
