all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i will never coherently bang her
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
