I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
