Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
