It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
