Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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