wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
