Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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