Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
