You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
