So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
