I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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